9/12/1996

_38549797_campbell238

ON THIS DAY: Paranoid schizophrenic Horrett Campbell is sentenced to life imprisonment for seven counts of attempted murder after attacking children and teachers at a school in Wolverhampton.

 

Well, that’s what GH2 said. HC didn’t smile at me that day, and I was in a mess all weekend.

 

Me and (friend) VY were riding around on our bikes- I was determined to ring her but I would have to ring either GH2, who was the person who told me HC had dumped me in the first place, or GH, who probably doesn’t know I’ve got her phone number anyway, and wouldn’t want to get involved. I would have to ring one of them to find HC’s phone no.

 

But I didn’t in the end, so I had to wait until school to find the next result.

 

In school last week AQ found my ruler which had

 

PB

4

HC

BOND + BOND GIRL KABOOM!

 

Written on it. I scratched in small print BIG JUGS.

 

When AQ found it he shouted out the discovery, which was in Physics. I bent and snapped the ruler, and threw it in the bin.

 

At luch on Friday I went to the library where I could find a big book and hide my head in it. I settled for “The Complete Works of Shakespeare” where I looked in the index for “The Taming of the Shrew”, which I knew was about what I was trying to do. I read a sentence, reading for words, not really plot, thinking about what had just happened.

 

JP (girl) walked up to me asking what I was reading. I just shrugged my shoulders.

 

What’s up?” she asked. “Has Helen finished you?”

 

I nodded my head slowly as salt coated my tongue.

 

Don’t worry. You can still be her friend.”

 

I doubted the possibility.

 

Aw. Don’t cry. Wipe your eyes.”

 

I sweared them with my blazer, only so they could fill up the areas absorbed immediately.

 

After a minute or two I left the library, hoping HC would be just around the corner for immediate resolution. She wasn’t, of course, and I broke down again in form time. Mr D took me into the staff room in the J block top floor. I told him I’d been dumped. He said he’d never had a girlfriend at my age, so I had done better than him. He said I should ring her up that night and talk her through it.

 

Last lesson on Friday was RE. AE (friend, supposedly) took my printout and got away with it. I had caught him, but he showed me he didn’t have it on him. He waved it at me today, but I couldn’t get it off him, not even with the help of MB, CB and GB.

 

In Science, we got our Chem (Chemistry) results. I had done really shite and I knew it. I got something like 5/35 or something. GH2 said I’m still going out with HC.

 

HC asked me what I got, I told her the truth. SS and her bigger friend (XX) weer talking to me and AQ while we were looking at rock samples. SS was feeling my arse. She asked me for a blowjob, I said if your mouth’s big enough. About 5 girls in that area, HC one of them, burst into laughter. I tried to keep a straight face, to add to my “style”.

 

I think that’s your lot for today!

 

This was a defining moment in my life.

 

HC and GH2 made a concerted effort to trick me and to break my heart. They planned it, exploited a weakness and broke me open. She left me with a total lack of trust in women and suspicion that every woman coming onto me was doing it for her own twisted joke. 16 years on, I still feel a certain suspicion whenever a girl comes onto me, and this suspicion ruined my life. The events of this week, collected with numerous other “jokes” by other girls and put-downs stopped me from developing any sense of trust with a woman and gave me esteem issues for the rest of my life.

 

Having said that, I forgot that I was still a mouthy, sharp tongued witty bastard- even in the darkest hour of my life. I’m still so proud of that “blowjob” comeback. (SS’s mouth was DEFINITELY big enough, for the record- she was LOUD.)

 

There is a lesson to be learned here. Do not listen to people’s shitty, ill-informed opinions or put-downs. Do not tolerate bullshit. Also, do not put girls on a pedestal EVER- not at school or anywhere else. Put yourself on that fucking pedestal. You are only a fucked up loser if you choose to be. Girls in school will treat you like a dick because they are venting too- they are going through puberty just like you are, and they have problems that cause them to lash out. No matter how much you fancy the girl, do NOT treat her like a goddess. She’s just a girl. The more you love and care for YOURSELF first and foremost, the less you’ll find yourself doing stupid shit like letting youself get fucked about by stupid girls.

 

JP is an angel. Although she was friends with HC, she took the time to talk to me and to try to at least try to make me feel better. 16 years on, I still cite JP as being the opposing force that stopped me from being an out-and-out mysogynist. She tought me that there are some girls out there with a heart, girls capable of empathy and consideration and that they CAN be reasoned with.

 

And another thing: stop letting people distract you- GCSEs or whatever the fuck they are called these days are a crucial time of your life academically as well as developmentally. Don’t fuck it up.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s