Marcello Mastroianni, Italian movie star most famous for playing Marcello Rubini in Italian classic movie La Dolce Vita, dies of pancreatic cancer.


Christmas Fair. I came in the clothes I told HC I would come in, but she didn’t say anything. I came in the most casual clothes in my class, all the boys and girls in my class were impressed.


I watched the talent show. I was going to enter it to do a rap but I couldn’t be arsed. Mr. D pretended to be Prince Naseem and had a boxing match with Mr. J.


There was a disco, so I went to that, and showed off my ability to dance to The Prodigy.


I was walking around when LW came up to me. And gave me a hug. She’s a stupid cow, she’s in my art group, I’m bigger than her and she’s got a crap voice.


She asked me for a kiss, I gave her one, (That’s 2 this week!) Then she went with me and I hated it.


I legged it ’cause I wanted to hide away. I went to the hall to see what was going on and DF came up to me saying “Ah! You went with LW.”


No… It wasn’t me!”I said, holding my head.


LW’s teeth stick out at the front so when I went with her I had a toothy snog. (UGH!)


I am now officially no longer a stiff.


I now have to face 2 weeks without the Three Musketeers, ES, SS, AU- a holiday just when I was getting into the swing of it.


Some years later AQ reminded me that, on this day, I was walking around school with a piece of tinsel tied around my waist like a belt. Why? No-one knows. Looking back, it was a signifier of some difference within me- a condition, a vulnerability, something undiagnosed. I still have a learning disability today, but not one that affects my behaviour, supposedly. It’s a bit of a grey area, to be honest. And given that I was in fourth year when this happened, I think it’s safe to say I was a late developer.


In fact, I hold the opinion that the 5 years I spent at that unnamed school didn’t just not develop me, it actually reversed my developmental progress. I started college aged 16 doing impressions of the kid from the Shining, talking to his finger then getting bollocked by the course tutor. People must have thought, who the FUCK is this guy?


That disco was a farce. I rolled in there on my own, of course, and recognised some boys. I tried to mix in with them but they physically shoved me away when I started dancing. (Having said that, you can’t dance sensibly to Prodigy’s Breathe, can you? I was busting moves like a mentalist.)


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