What a fucking weird dream

 

 

Get this, right? The other night I dreamed that I pulled this girl with dark hair and big boobs. I took her to Tesco to buy condoms, but I was bursting for a piss. As you’re no doubt aware, most Tescos do not have public toilet facilities, and as I was probably drunk in the dream, I realised my only hope was to have a piss in the isle. I was caught by the staff and was made to clean it up, mopping next to the propped open yellow “caution sign” in the freezing isle. Strangely, none of this put her off and she went and did some shopping whilst waiting for me.

 

The dream ended and I woke up before I got a chance to nail her.

 

It seems I even fail in my dreams, not just in real life. All the guides I have read, all the times I changed and developed myself, all the effort I put in to overcoming my ridiculous issues- it hasn’t really paid off. I’ve had momentary success here and there. Mostly nothing, though.

 

But not any more. I will get over this shit, this ridiculous flange-drought, and succeed like a man should. I may be 30, but I’m not prepared to behave that age until I’ve behaved like a twenty-something lad.

 

The question is, who is this woman? Who is the dark-haired voluptuous beauty of my dreams? One of these, maybe?

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