Typical.

I spend 2 months in psychotherapy for problems with depression, porn addiction, women and sex. I start this period when I am seeing someone, who ditches me without discussion not long after the sessions begin. I don’t meet anyone else until after the psychotherapy sessions end. Once I start seeing this person, the problems with addiction, comfort and arousal continue.

RD, the girl who presumably will see me again, has said it’s just sex. The only thing for it is to get out and meet as many women as possible as frequently as possible, and to keep stepping forward. As crude as this sounds, I need to be turned on as often as possible by women that I meet in the flesh, and then I need to either have sex with them or masturbate over them.

Okaaaay. And why, you ask?

Because the more arousal I get from real people, the more I become used to being turned on by people in real life, as opposed to being aroused by the girls on the other side of the cold, meaningless monitor screen. I’ll think about porn less and watch less. I’ll be closer to gaining the mentality and experience that I’ve been looking for: normal, healthy relationships- something I’ve honestly never had.

The closest I had to a real, comfortable relationship was in 2010, and that only lasted 2 months. I’ve been meaning to write about it for years. Maybe I’ll put it up here by the end of NaBloPoMo…

In the meantime, I’m out Friday and Saturday so who knows what could happen.

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