One of my friends is gay and I’m the only person who’s noticed.

Back in about 2003 I went to see Will Ferrell vehicle Old School at the Odeon on Oxford Rd.

When we got out of the cinema I said, don’t you think it was inspired by Fight Club?

People were like, What? That had nothing to do with Fight Club.

I said, Group of disillusioned young guys gang together, wreak havoc, shun their responsibilities? You don’t think it sounds familiar?

They didn’t get it. A year later I bought Old School on DVD, and in the commentary the director admits- during the KY wrestling scene- that Fight Club was a big influence.

Hold that thought. Fast forward to 2015.

SM is a gaysian, a gay asian. He thinks no-one knows. One time when we were with a group in this club, he was talking to me about typing speeds, something we’d both been working on, and as he discussed this, he leaned forward and put his hand on my knee.

You don’t do that if you’re not gay. End of discussion on this issue. Moving on:

Later that night I asked a few people in the group, is SM gay?

“What?” came the surprised but hushed response. “SM’s not gay!”

We’ll see, I thought.

Days later I went to this meetup group, ran by SM, where he drunkenly welcomed guests by draping his arms over them as they walked in and generally talked too loud. It was obvious to people there.

People say I’m arrogant for this, but it’s true: if a bloke is camp gay- a “taker” and not a giver- a grunter and not a shunter- he’s probably going to come on to me. Over the years they have done in their hundreds.

As for SM, he’s a fan of cheesy joints like Revolucion De Cuba– I cannot fucking STAND the place. All of my mutual friends seem to love it too. They know how I feel, so when they went last night (as seen on Facebook) I didn’t get an invite. Which is fine.

Sometimes, you find that things are really obvious to you, but only you. No-one else can see it. It’s quite a lonely experience, being right and observant in a world of ignorant wronguns.

I may be going to a few more decent bars with my schizophrenic friend over the next few weeks. Hopefully there’ll be something more contemporary and less gay to write about.

One thought on “One of my friends is gay and I’m the only person who’s noticed.

  1. Pingback: More People Notice SM’s Closet Homosexuality | Patrick Bateman's Blog

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