Jesus Christ. M, who I had drunken sex with a few weeks ago, has started to terrify me. I later mentioned she turned out to be a crazy bitch banging on about her family being spies or some shit. Well, after the detour across the country I ended it with her. But then out of the blue she has been banging on asking me whether I came at all during sex. She took the morning after pill but she was still paranoid about being pregnant. She is not, as I didn’t come at all.
I might have mentioned to her, although I can’t totally remember, that it’s because I’m a porn addict and I watch a fuck-ton of girl-girl stuff. Standard sex just doesn’t make me come. This obviously needs to change.
She was asking me in bed, “Don’t you ever come?”
Hence, she knows for sure I didn’t. Yet she’s so paranoid that she’s gone out and bought Ellanone, a private morning after pill, at some HORRENDOUS cost. Something was rotten in Denmark. She then asked me for half the cost of this. Added to this, she went out and bought a high-end pregnancy testing kit and asked me for this half too.
She could have got it for free if she’d waited til Monday, but no. She ordered the pill privately over the internet. Her messages were utterly absurd. I posted them verbatim over Facebook- without identifying her- and the response was huge. EVERYONE was telling me to fuck her off and give her nothing. I got nervous though, and agreed to pay her half the cost. I should have stood my ground. But the thought of having a baby momma like that horrified me, and if I had to pay her off to get her out of my life I would. So I did.
Today I took my phone in for repair. She’s due on her period on Wednesday, by which time my phone should be working again. But if it’s not and she’s tried to contact me there, well, she can do some detective work. There are other websites we’ve communicated through, so she can find me. But she’s usually drunk so it won’t occur to her.
What the fuck have I done…
If I’m wrong and I did produce a little precum and it somehow worked its way inside her, and the overpriced pill she took didn’t work, she’s having an abortion. Immediately. That’s if it’s even mine.
I would love to gain advice on this from a professional. Unfortunately, despite repeatedly asking the NHS, I don’t have anyone I can turn to- no social worker, no PA, no psychotherapist. I’m planning to get another referral to Psychotherapy, but I forgot my appointment today due to my phone breaking and not looking at my plans. Ended up shopping with the family for much longer than expected. My life: FUCKED UP. But I KNOW I am not a dad.