Well. Ups and downs.


So tired of doing the same shit in work. No idea what to move into given mental issues I have and lack of work experience. I’ve worked here for nearly a decade and there is so little that I have experienced that would actually benefit me in any other role. I’ve not discussed work much recently on this blog as my situation is quite a unique one.

I have a team meeting and a 1-1 coming up and I expect carnage. The atmos is hostile.

Added to the mix a close relative is getting a divorce. I want them to be happy, so if this is the process that should happen for them to move forward, it should happen. They are the only person in my family that I know of who has gone through this process, but already a couple of people my age that I know have got divorced.

My opinion on marriage in general is that if one in five of them in the UK end in divorce, then it clearly isn’t working on the whole. It’s supposed to be until death do you part. It clearly isn’t. If one in five life jackets didn’t work, or one in five gas ovens didn’t light… You see my picture? Marriage cannot work in this day and age. It is an outdated concept and (even if I found a willing participant) I wouldn’t try it. At least one guy I know is divorced. (I say I know him, I haven’t seen him since TM’s wedding and he was an arsehole before that.)



And then there’s me. I can’t find anyone I want a relationship with. I struggle to approach people. I can’t lower my standards. I’m addicted to internet porn and I can’t come on the rare occasions when I have sex. I’m STILL on a wait list on the NHS (for the second time), I’m a chronic insomniac and I feel like an embarrassment to all around me.


On the flip side, I’ve met loads of new people- some cool people- I still have some long standing friends, although the majority of those are too busy / broke to see me. I’m waiting til feb before I have any major nights out, so I’m just going to do what everyone else does and go to the gym and get massive.

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