Busy Summer


Hence the lack of posts. Went to a festival at the end of May. Great weekend although I was thoroughly disorganised as per, but I made a point of not letting it get me down. It ended up costing a fortune due to ticket and travel issues. Fuck it, that’s what Personal Independence Payment is for. I make mistakes.

There were loads of hot women but they were totally disinterested in me, despite the NHS and my friends (in many groups) reminding me that I’m popular and good looking. (Their words and opinions, not mine.)

What’s more important is that I had a blast and met some great people, even if just as mates. And what can you really do with women in a different part of the country? It’s difficult to meet and do anything.

I’ve had more nights out with online social groups- again, great fun but nothing is really happening with women. I’m still paralysed with fear even when women are slapping my arse in Be at One. Connections just aren’t being made.

I went to another festival a couple of weekends ago and again had a great time, but again, nothing was happening with women throughout the two days. My mate FA has a shag piece in Manchester that he met up with. She had a friend that I tried to talk to, but she showed no interest or willinglness to even talk. Later I spoke to the girls in our own group and they thought she was really stuck up too.

This reminded me of a very important point that psychosexual therapist CK brought up: if a woman isn’t interested, it isn’t always about me. In fact, it probably rarely is.

So, no, not much happened on the girl front. That was, of course, until I got separated from my group, got back to Manchester before them, hovered around the city centre and some horrific troglodyte pounced on me, reminding me of Emil at the end of RoboCop. 

Suffice to say, I physically pushed her off me.

Last week I had a meeting with CK. We discussed support groups for porn addiction like these ones and she recommended I find a number and speak to someone. (I’ve just left a message at the time of writing.)

I’m still chasing up Mindfulness, the new zeitgeist in psychology. Again, at the time of writing I’ve just spoken to someone at Mind who’s put me on a waitlist for a mindfulness course. It should be free.

Advice re women:

  • Be comfortable and natural around women.

My time with CK is coming to an end and I’m nowhere near ready. If I self-refer I’ll be on the waitlist for no longer than 3 weeks, a huge improvement to the 7 months I’ve waited on 2 separate occasions before. I can see myself doing that before long, unless this support group works.

I have one more meeting in a month. It’s not right that nothing’s happening with women. Things should be, but they aren’t. Let’s fight on…

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