Well, I’m out of peppermint oil tablets…

 

I started using these to combat flatulence a couple of weeks ago, but I’m still releasing horrific noxious farts into the air every day, ruining nights out.

My nurse mate SW suggested these pills, and also eating less cereal. That’s a tough one to cut down on though, as I’m normally starving when I wake up and everything else takes a long time to cook. And what else is there? Eggs? Having these every day will send my cholesterol through the roof. Cans of beans and sausages? More farts. Whatever it is, I’ll need to eat LOADS of it. Even after eating 4 Tesco wheat biscuits with milk at 7:30, I’m hungry by 11am.

So, another fail, but I tried. Went out all weekend but didn’t get far with anyone except Saturday at about 8pm when I’d only just got onto Deansgate. Some girl I know from the gym was on her hen do, and I very quickly pulled one of her (married) mates. She was fit, blonde and with pretty big boobs. But what can you do in these situations. Besides, I needed to meet mates. After this I got an entire meat-wagon’s worth of cold shoulders. I did, however, end up in Guilty, a subterranean bar in the Northern Quarter and got hugely drunk. The windows of the bar are at ground level, so looking out through the window you can see the smoking area and straight up women’s skirts. My female friend SF pointed it out to me. There was a girl called C who only went for black guys who went out for a smoke, noticed that we were all looking up at her and decided to lift up her skirt and show us her arse.

guilty

A highlight of the night.

She pulled one of my mates, who was black, and I was too drunk to get anywhere with anyone else.

London next weekend, so who knows what might go down.

One thought on “Well, I’m out of peppermint oil tablets…

  1. Pingback: Don’t Wait for People to be Ready | Patrick Bateman's Blog

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