Mentioned N last week. She has 2 kids and no time, so she ended it. As she doesn’t live that far from me, predictably, she’s got unplanned kids. They all have. This ruins her social life- and is a hindrance to mine.
Went out with a couple of mates on Friday. I felt so confident before I met with PM (guy) and SS (girl). Still can’t approach people. Only met SS twice but both times she approached some girl for me when I couldn’t. I was drunk this time, but it didn’t matter. Dutch courage didn’t happen.
That said, SS got me talking to some girl called Nicole. She was polite and we swapped numbers but she was obviously not interested. SS and PM were convinced she was, but she didn’t respond to my text.
Fuck it. Bad day. In the new year I may inquire about antidepressants with my GP. I’m a good looking lad, I dress well, I’m popular, but I hate myself because I’m learning disabled and I’m convinced everyone knows this from the offset. People keep telling me I’m wrong.
On the tram on the way back I felt like I’d ripped my own guts out. There was a girl who burst into tears opposite me. I wanted to offer her a tissue, but typically I thought intruding would only make matters worse. It seems Christmas time can be a bit of a downer for a lot of people.
I’m out tonight at a house music event- I’m lending SW money so she can attend as she chose to get into a low-paying career that takes years to become qualified in, and they have no money, so she tortures herself by coming out to club nights for the first half of the night then goes home. I hope she doesn’t do this again.