Last week I mentioned I’d been on a date. The Niece has stopped texting back. She was obviously not that interested to begin with. Shame I had to shell out so much to find this out, but whatever. I mus just not have been good enough for her, for whatever reason.
Been out a few times this week, and am still taking antidepressants. They seemed to be working at first, but I’m still feeling hesitant and not good enough for women. Need to stay away from certain places and people- Indian women are SNOBS. I keep trying though. I said hi to one of them and she just thumbed at me to her mates and rolled her eyes. Whatever. I’ve managed to have few short conversations with people in a few bars, but I’ve struggled.
Moving on from this for a moment- I’m still filling out the PIP mandatory reconsideration form. It’s taking ages but it’s pretty much done now- it just needs checking over by a professional. The last professional to read it said I need to push the depression element of the problem. So this means writing something about porn addiction and putting it in. I don’t want to do this when my family might read it, so it means writing this extra part tomorrow. My family have helped me fill in the form but I now have to add in the extra parts and hope it doesn’t go to appeal, and also hope they don’t ask me about it in front of my parents who would be there with me.
To add more to this form, I should write about how my condition affects me in bars, so I’ve been making notes on my feelings when I’m out in bars. “Heart beatin hard. Trembles. Stomach feels sick. Literally any other guy would be better for her.”
Girl mate SF gave me a pep talk. “I just think that they should be grateful that I want to talk to them,” she said. I wish I could feel that way about myself. Sertraline has not made that adjustment.
Tomorrow I’m booking an appointment with my doctor to discuss sertraline and its effects.