Last night I went to a couple of swanky bars with a model called EB, who I mentioned I met a year ago. I’ve met up with her a few times since I met her, but I eventually got around to asking an important question.
When I met EB, she was with her mate VK, who was single. I tried it on but I didn’t really know what to say. I wasn’t sure if VK was interested. Having met up with EB a few times, I decided to see what the deal was. EB said yes, VK was interested, and I did drop the ball. Added to that, though, VK is really messed up according to EB. She’s got a lot of problems. Haven’t we all, though- EB herself said she was sexually abused as a child.
Added to the confusion, EB is now single- she wasn’t when she met me. She’s hot. Great tits. She’s getting attention from guys a lot, and she’s clear with other people that we’re mates, but we’re still going to flirt when we meet up. We’ll see what happens. Probably nothing. But she can be practice.
EB brought her mate DD out, a hot, big-titted tattooed model. We’d met briefly before, but she didn’t remember me much. Again, tried, but she pulled some other guy who was completely different to me.
Feeling like I’ve let myself down a bit, but glad I’ve found answers to a few questions.
I still can’t talk to girls. I’m now in my late 30s. Those three nights out happened, but I got nowhere. All very different nights out, all in places where there were plenty of women. I just wasn’t in the zone. I wasn’t feeling right. I was like a rabbit in the headlights.
Again, more plans for next weekend although whether I’ll feel better, nobody knows. Sertraline isn’t working, even when I double drop. Meeting with the support group doesn’t give me the boost that I want. I’ve self-referred to Social Services, but I’ve not heard back. Girl mate AMN has a degree in psychology- she’s encouraging me to go back into neuropsychology / psychotherapy. I don’t know exactly what they could tell me that they haven’t already, though.
I have more events on the horizon, which will be a little different from standard nights out. We’ll see.
…but it doesn’t look like I can get tax credits or Universal Credit. So basically I’m going to be poor as fuck. Nothing happening with women, although this week I’m out 3 nights.
Trying to be good to myself. Trying to enjoy my own company and not bring myself down. Reading, watching films, gymming. Not too bad.
So on Friday night I went on a date with a girl I briefly met a couple of weeks ago at an event. I couldn’t really remember much about her but my mate was suggesting I get in there, so I thought I’d give her a shot. We were supposed to go to Bosu, a health bar on Cross St for low-fat snacks, but it was shut so we shot around the corner to Be At One, and hammered a few cocktails.
She’s a nice girl and everything but there’s no magic there at all- no attraction from me at least. I called it off.
DWP are sending my stress levels through the roof at the moment, stalling on things. Dealing with very long phone conversations that are going round in circles. Very frustrating for me and my parents. I’m being told I’m supposed to be on WTC, then UC, then back to WTC again. Noboy has a clue.
Turns out she was so drunk she doesn’t remember doing anything with me, so looks like that’s a dead end.
I was texting a girl I met months ago this week, but we’re both too busy and live too far away and I’m just not really that arsed even though she’s blonde and pretty decent looking.
Whatever. We’re halfway through January. I’ll start putting up events in Feb. I have some great nightlife ideas.
S was a friend of a friend, who came with us to a trendy but desolate bar in a posh part of Manchester. Talked for a while, then I went in for the kiss. Quite proud of myself for stepping forward.
We went to our mutual friend’s flat in town. KS left us an inflatable bed which went down in the night. It was the only thing to go down, unfortunately. KS was pleased that I went for someone natural, who wasn’t ‘plastic.’ S is a little stand-offish though, claiming her ex has left her emotionally unavailable. I tried to convince her that I wasn’t trying to marry her, and that she can’t put her life on hold because of whatever is going on in her mind.
S and I have swapped numbers- I’ll text her tomorrow. Good way to start 2018 if you as me.
I went out for food with a few mates, girls and guys. I told them about KBP and how we slept together without having sex. They all thought it was weird and that she probably felt rejected. I was pretty fucked off that not one of them understood that there’s a pace that I need to work to and shagging people before I feel comfortable with them is a recipe for disaster.
Hence I texted KBP and asked her what she thought. She said she felt awkward, but didn’t want sex so didn’t feel rejected. She wanted to ‘get a bit wild and boozy and smoke a little.’
Hmm. Well, smoking is a deal breaker for me, so fair enough. Also, as ruthless as this sounds, I want someone a bit more glamorous.
So. Square one. Been away this weekend so nothing has happened to say.