Seeing as HMRC paid up, I went for a lap dance

So, mentioned a few weeks ago that Tax Credits are back in my life. I treated myself to a trip to Long Legs strip club in Chinatown last night.

Town was dead, so Long Legs was never going to be that busy. I rolled in just after 10pm and got talking to a fit blonde scouser with big boobs. I described how I was having a private celebration due to my finances improving. She described how she’d also had problems- she’d had to pay back a huge amount. I asked for a 2-girl dance- she was trying to blag me into ‘going upstairs’ with another girl for £170, which sounds dear, but a girl there had tried to ask me for £250 a few years ago.

Suffice to say, both times I stuck with the ‘naughty fourty.’ This time the other girl wasn’t as fit but still had great boobs. There was plenty of touching, but not much else.

Give it a few months and I might go for that £170 dance. I might.

Still struggling with sleep.


I’m now out of citalopram but I’m fucked if I’m going back onto it. I’m trying to motivate myself to exercise over Christmas. I have done a bit. Tried a few hill sprints. I was shocking. Booked a docs appointment but it’s not for weeks.

I’m not going to continue because it’s destroyed my sleep pattern, which in turn is probably behind some of the mistakes I made in work. It’s killed my sex drive- I can’t even focus on porn any more. I cum maybe once a week. And my weight has gone through the roof.

Typically, when I go quiet on my friends, they don’t check in on me. I guess everyone’s busy with their families. But no-one has invited me out, and I can’t be bothered asking anyone as I know what the answer is going to be.

Seeing as I’d be tired anyway, I wish I’d gone to Genting to watch UFC. Caught that Nunes v Cyborg fight on Youtube. Amazing. And at least I’ve got a night out planned for tomorrow night.

Netflix has calmed down and I can watch things uninterrupted. Going well. Sleep required for now though.

Booked a docs appointment for reviewing citalopram as it’s still a problem.

My sleep is still all over the place, even after moving the time of taking the tablet to the morning. But I won’t get to see my doctor til half way through January.

I think I’ve bought all my presents- too late now if not. I’ve wrapped nothing, though. I’m also out of milk, tuna, fruit, cereal, chicken and stir fry stuff. I may just work my way through some canned veg until the new year.

My sister’s bought me a Netflix subscription, but it freezes halfway through the pilot for Rick and Morty. No idea why.

I’m going to be in work one day over Christmas, which I’m a bit gutted about. I also need to sort out my speakers so I can get better sound form my computer. I can cast from my PC to my TV, but the sound still comes through my monitor, which is a bit annoying. I may need to buy a sound bar.

Citalopram is putting me to sleep.

I take it at midday and I’m falling asleep all over the place. Not sure what the right time to take it is. A few places say take it in the morning, which I think would be even more of a problem for me, but it’s worth a shot.

It’s also killing my sex drive, making it hard to even watch porn. It occurs to me that Sertraline did this to me too, and that the already-problematic world of dating and pulling was made more difficult by the inclusion of these meds- which were put in place to improve exactly that part of my life. I should probably book anther appointment.

Added to this, it’s freezing and I can’t be arsed going out. So I’m not meeting anyone. I’m underworked in work, having had work taken off me for apparent mistakes I made (that they won’t evidence).

I’m moving out to get on the property ladder, and to get out of this dogshit estate full of knobheads. 2019 will be busy year with lots of learning. If something breaks, I can’t just phone up housing and get them to sort it- I’ve got to either fix it myself or find someone to do it for me. It’s a bigger home, a terraced house, not a flat, so there’s more to keep tidy.

Things are quiet on the dating front.

Things end with M


I did actually go on a date with M to a swanky bar. We talked a lot, really got to know each other, but by the time we had to leave we’d hardly scratched the surface. We got on really well, but once we got outside we had to face up to something.

We’ve really got to know each other a lot tonight,” I said, “but there’s so much more I wanted to know- namely, how is it going with this other guy?”

She looked at the floor a second. “It’s going really well.” She explained it was a difficult decision to come out that night.

We slept on it, then she got in touch saying she felt guilty. So that’s the end of that one.

The next month will be quiet as I cannot be arsed going out in December when it’ll be cold, the roads won’t have been gritted and we’ll all be saving for Christmas. We already decided that new year will be a house party.

So, the focus will be on sorting out my body and career, both of which are a bit of a mess at the moment.

Still working on M

Haven’t seen M from last week yet, but we’re trying to get together. Tuesday may be date night. Went out last night with DK and JG form the support group. I forgot my money and ID, and JG was in trainers, so it ruled out a lot of places. We went to some horrendous dives like the Millstone (think American Werewolf in London, everyone kept staring at me).

Pulled a fit Arabic Girl

Things aren’t too bad. I’ve got some of my Working Tax Credits back. I’ve been out in Manchester last night and the night before. Friday was dead, but last night I brought a huge group of people together for drinks. One of them, M, a fit arabic-looking girl, I managed to pull. I’m really proud of myself. Had one text back from her. Waiting for another.

Work is still shit. I’m still making mistakes and getting bollocked for them. I’ve requested help from an external support team- they’re a no-show so far- and work are putting ‘special measures’ in place, i.e. I’ve fucked up.

So something I’ve spent months practising I’m now not allowed to do, because I’ve ’caused several data breaches.’ Now I’m just answering the phones, which are ringing less and less because the workload has been split between a bigger team of people.

May have work experience lined up in PR, so hoping this will get me out of the eternal loop of spirit crushing admin.