I may actually stick with this group.

 

I said I might quit the sex addiction group as I’m tired of the religious shit that comes with it. After going to the meeting I actually felt better. The group are really supportive, they are happy to receive outreach- me phoning them for advice- and a few of them have rang me. I keep meaning to ring around to tell them about the forums on the Paula Hall site. in shares in the group I’ve mentioned it as part of my experience- people might check it out.

I have actually started outreach, and have talked to one person over the phone from making calls myself. I’ll try to do this more as I have advice to give, as well as to ask.

 

 

Don’t Wait for People to be Ready

stevenson square

I’ve had a night out planned for about 6 weeks. I wanted best mate SW to be there, and she’s studying and working, so I asked her when she would be free. Friday 12th was the soonest she was available. I asked around and around, and loads of people couldn’t make it or said they could only made it for an hour or so. SW is on a low wage, and a few other mates are (permanently) skint, so I wanted to pick an area that was affordable, so the Northern Quarter seemed a good shout.

A few days before the weekend, SW fell ill. SW is ALWAYS ill. I don’t know what is wrong with her. She’s not bluffing to get out of it, that’s for sure. I’m not great at reading people, but I know her better than I know most people. She wanted to come. But she couldn’t, and stayed in bed. She comes down with some illness a few times a year, and I’ve no idea what it is.

This is something I’d NEVER ask her, but it could be genetics. SW is half Pakistani. It could be an inherit weakness on her Pakistani side. It’s not normal to be ill as frequently as she is, and she has no reason to bullshit me. It could be that her Asian family, some way up the tree, had some genetic issues. What else could it be? Well, I guess it’s not my business but I’m entitled to wonder.

So the date for the night out was weeks after I’d first planned it because of her, and then she never came out anyway. Neither did our mutual friend KOC, who had promised to meet up with me after seeing other mates (typically in the inexplicably popular Revolucion De Cuba.)

A couple of weeks ago I had another night out, with SF, another female friend. We agreed to that night, and she invited a load of her mates (most of whom I knew). It occurs to me that we could have made that one a joint party and agreed to invite who we wanted. Of course, virtually no-one I would have invited would have come. But with organisation it would have been slightly better. Granted, SW still wouldn’t have been free, but there may have been a few others who were.

The point is, you can’t wait for people to be ready because inevitably, some people will never be. Just organise the night out, and if people can’t make it, tough. There are other weekends anyway. Just agree to organise something later. Don’t hesitate. Besides, it’s good to stay social regularly, so it’s just another night out. You don’t have to go crazy with drink. But organise quickly. Here’s Arnold Shwarzenegger, from his autobiography Total Recall:

“Don’t overthink. The key thing is to let the mind and body float. And then when you need to make a decision you’re ready with all your energy. The more you know, the more you hesitate.”

So my insistence that SW was there actually hindered me. There have been plenty of other nights out that she couldn’t make, or that she’d planned that I couldn’t make.

A fair crowd did make it out, in all fairness, thanks to the online social groups.

More problems with sex addicts groups

Went down to London as mentioned. It’s hot down there, and the capital is populated by large breasted women not wearing a great deal. I tried to get a few creep shots but it’s hard not to get busted when you’re out with your mates. The few I took didn’t come out anyway. Got nowhere with any women I tried to speak to. Enjoyed the weekend though, and intend to get back down there soon.

I also- prior to this- went to a different sex addicts group. Similar religious slant, some of the same people, a lot of number swapping for support. (I need to start phoning people, for ‘outreach’, although I’m not sure who could really help me. One or two people have already rang me.)

Still finding it a bit depressing that religion is a part of this group too, and that people here also just want to express themselves without asking for / giving advice. Was going to go to one of these different groups tonight, but wasn’t feeling it. Will still give it another shot, but doubt I’ll be a long-time member. Might see how easy / hard it is to set up my own porn addiction support group, with no religion, opportunities to give advice, and just for men only.

I won’t have any of this: “There will now be a moment’s silence to remember those that have died from this disease.” Here’s what’s wrong with this: an addiction is not a disease. It’s a compulsion. Also, nobody has died from sex addiction. They may have killed themselves, but it wasn’t specifically the sex addiction that did it- it’s their attitude to the problem that led them to suicide. It may have been an STI that killed them, like HIV, but you can get that from one person when you have no addiction. Also you could be massively addicted but bag up every time. And finally, what does going silent do? How does it help us?

They lay the Catholic guilt on thick in these meetings. I don’t need that. In fact, none of us do. Dwelling on our shortcomings will only bring us down, and that depression will only cause us to act out again.

Learning as I go along.

 

Well, I’m out of peppermint oil tablets…

 

I started using these to combat flatulence a couple of weeks ago, but I’m still releasing horrific noxious farts into the air every day, ruining nights out.

My nurse mate SW suggested these pills, and also eating less cereal. That’s a tough one to cut down on though, as I’m normally starving when I wake up and everything else takes a long time to cook. And what else is there? Eggs? Having these every day will send my cholesterol through the roof. Cans of beans and sausages? More farts. Whatever it is, I’ll need to eat LOADS of it. Even after eating 4 Tesco wheat biscuits with milk at 7:30, I’m hungry by 11am.

So, another fail, but I tried. Went out all weekend but didn’t get far with anyone except Saturday at about 8pm when I’d only just got onto Deansgate. Some girl I know from the gym was on her hen do, and I very quickly pulled one of her (married) mates. She was fit, blonde and with pretty big boobs. But what can you do in these situations. Besides, I needed to meet mates. After this I got an entire meat-wagon’s worth of cold shoulders. I did, however, end up in Guilty, a subterranean bar in the Northern Quarter and got hugely drunk. The windows of the bar are at ground level, so looking out through the window you can see the smoking area and straight up women’s skirts. My female friend SF pointed it out to me. There was a girl called C who only went for black guys who went out for a smoke, noticed that we were all looking up at her and decided to lift up her skirt and show us her arse.

guilty

A highlight of the night.

She pulled one of my mates, who was black, and I was too drunk to get anywhere with anyone else.

London next weekend, so who knows what might go down.