I’ve had my first meeting in my third bout of therapy, again with CK who helped me 2 years ago. We talked about the problems I face dealing with women. It seems I’m putting up a barrier at the weekend by thinking too much about what the girl is thinking: is she interested? What does she think about me? Is she judging? All of these thoughts are getting in the way of me and whichever girl I meet potentially knowing each other better.
I’m advised to tune into my thoughts and feelings when I like someone- to be aware of my thought processes, but to let them go and not be hung up on them.
This weekend I had 3 events lined up in which to practice the above, but 2 of them I had to cancel due to lack of interest. Nobody has any money, so nobody can come out. Tonight, however, I’m at another event which will be chocka with fine ladies, so I’m going to put into practice what CK has suggested. I’ve added a few notes to my phone- the plan is to go out this evening and put them into practice.
After being burgled I filled in a load of form as sent them off. The loss adjuster came round, and so did both of my parents. Their help was invaluable but it doesn’t half make me feel like a child. But what can I do.
Loss adjuster woman says there shouldn’t be a problem with everything I’ve put on the form, so I’m expecting a fair payout. It would be great if the police would arrest the guy, but… evidence.
I’m tempted just to go out and fill him in to set the ball rolling, to take one for the team to set things off. But that would tarnish my unblemished record.
As mentioned, I have not bought any food, I’ve kept eating the fresh food in my kitchen, and I’ve stuck to the gym. Today I weighed 79.3kg.
Bosh. I’ve done it. I was hungry, but I managed by eating a few apricots for my lunch and skipping breakfast here and there.
I have left to eat a few apricots, half a loaf of bread, a couple of pints of milk and 2 eggs. Other than that, everything is canned or frozen.
I’d quite like to get down to 77. I might keep at this challenge and see what it’s like to run out of food. I’ll also keep at the gym, which, admittedly, I’m failing at. I’m not managing to run well, lift well on bench press or horizontal dumbbell fly, nor beat any PBs on chin-ups.
We’ll see how things go. It’s dawned on me that, in the previous post, I’d not actually explained what I was trying to do. That explanation was in the post before it. I was trying to get under 80, which I have managed. So I might have a quick break from clean eating (gorge on junk) and then get back to it. There’s a pinstripe suit I can’t fit into at the mo. I might try this project again, and fast until I can fit into the suit. But not for a few days.
I’ve approached and approached all weekend in a few different venues and I’ve been blown out every single time. There are a suspicious number of girls who are young, not wearing a great deal, out with their mates and dancing, but have boyfriends.
Is this a beard I feel coming on?
I even went to a place that I’ve pulled in a few times before, but this time it was a bit of a cock fest.
Added to this the hot weather sent me west a bit, plus not having a car has meant I’ve drank a bit of alcohol. Quite shattered.
I’m also back up to 81kg as of Saturday. Still not ready to fast.
2 sweet potatoes. 6 eggs. 6 pints of milk. 3 bananas. A loaf of bread. A packet of semi-dried apricots. A carton of orange juice.
These are the fresh items in my kitchen, the things that will go off if I don’t eat them. I’ll be munching my way through these over the next few days, until they are consumed, then I’ll stop eating. Why so? Because I’m a fat bastard and I’m on a fad diet.
After yesterday’s blog, where I noted my weight at 81.9kg, I vowed to begin soon. I’ve been to the gym again today, and after a class I’m already down to 80.3. So this shouldn’t take long. But there’s still the above that needs eating. I won’t buy any more from this point on.
I currently weigh a shocking 81.9kg. I have a problem with chocolate, and my rabid addiction to this and other junk food (alongside porn, but that’s another issue) have led to me to balloon in weight from 68kg when I moved out 8 years ago to 24kg extra today.
In all fairness a lot of that weight is muscle. I can lift a lot more than I could back then, but with training comes hunger, and it’s hard work not to crash into junk foodwhen you’re too tired to follow a recipe.
I’ve tried a few dodgy diets in my time, most of which led to me weighing even more soon after coming off them. But I’m not ready to stop. The next one is even dodgier.
I’m planning to eat only the fresh food in my fridge, the content that will go off if I don’t eat it. After that, I’ll stop eating.
That’s right. No more food. I’ll eat only medication, and drink only water. I’ll go to the gym as normal, attend gym classes, sleep, attend nights out (again, drinking only water) but I’ll have nothing else until I’m at 79.9kg.
Expectation: I can do this in under 24 hours, after fasting begins. I’ll blog again when I’m ready.
I have to give back the courtesy car today, even though I don’t know whether or not the payment from my insurers has come through. Haven’t checked my account and it seemed like too much work for a Sunday night.
The neighbour, the guy I KNOW has burgled me, is still hanging around on the street, getting into people’s cars, looking out of his flat window. We’re watching each other, really. I feel uncomfortable getting into the hire car, because I know when I get in and drive off, he knows that my flat is unoccupied again.
He’s a weasel and I’m quite capable of beating him senseless, and he knows this. But we both know that if I did that, the moment I went to work or left the flat for any other reason, he’d get his cat burglar gear on again, come back and smash the place to pieces. Or get someone else to. And it wouldn’t look good to the police either.
I’ve been out last night to a club with plenty of good looking women in, but I just couldn’t make myself approach. I invited the support group to come out with me, who can’t see what the problem is. Of course, they didn’t come. I have zero charisma so there’s no way I can coerce people into actually doing anything. They either want to or they don’t. So it was me and SF and our mutual friends. AA, who I’ve been out sarging with during the day last year, he was asking me how it’s done. He wanted a demo. I couldn’t do it though. Neither could he.
So the question is, what do I change? My meds? My outlook? I’ve done a ton of work on the latter, and still nothing’s happening.