I got in touch with my bank about my card being declined- there’s some money, not much, but enough in my current account, so the bank said that was the bar’s problem. I phoned Amazon and they admitted that Amazon Prime has been taking money from a lot of customers who only bought item from their regular site, so I got a refund on that. The bar that I wasn’t in, which appeared on my statement as if I’d made a payment to them, is next door to a bar that I WAS in, and I bought a cocktail there so it’s likely they’re trading under the other bar’s name.
So, panic over on that front, but I still need to manage my finances better now that I’m poorer. I typically missed the last bus on Friday and paid £20 for a taxi, but spent virtually nothing drinking tap water on Saturday. THAT is the way forward.
Got talking to a girl in The Member’s Bar that night, but she had horrendous breath, so I backed out of that situation. Nothing much else to report.
Today I crashed and burned and watched porn. Addiction is real.
I remember psychosexual therapist CK asking me to think of my feelings before I use porn. What’s driving me to use it? Loneliness? Boredom? Lust? It’s probably all of them, but going out and not getting anywhere with women that I really like is a part of it. In fact, it’s the main reason.
I talked to a few girls this week, who were all steadfastly disinterested. One of them had a boyfriend. It turned out I used to work with her dad, to her horror.
More nights out planned for next weekend. I’ll try again.
A week in and no porn. Sertraline is certainly helping, but even when I double drop I’m still terrified of talking to women. I’m fucking sick of going to Guilty, to be honest, but a lot of my mates go there a frequently. I may put my foot down on it. The only reason I didn’t just not go to that bar was that I was staying out later anyway to watch Mayweather vs McGregor.
Girl mate SF is usually available to come on nights out but If something is planned everyone else in my life will probably flake out. I am so tired of having let-down mates. Added to this, SF is constantly shagging one guy or another. It’s depressing listening to how easy it is for her.
Oh, and of course, Jemma Lucy kissing Sarah Harding in Celebrity Big Brother was somewhat of a highlight. When the Celebrity Big Brother line-up was revealed, I immediately hoped that this would happen.
HW is a promoter at a couple of swanky venues in town, or at least one. There’s a new place just opened, and she’s saying on her Twitter that she’s a promoter from that one too. So I arranged with a few mates to go to The New Place and specifically asked her over Twitter for guestlist. I went to the new place last Saturday.
Only a small handful RSVP’d, then 2 cried off. Me and NK, a short, enthusiastic but socially clumsy Asian, headed out to The New Place. Everyone was on the guestlist, so the queue was horrendous. Nobody on the door had a clue who HW was, although they said a few people had said she had put them on the guestlist. It was £20 on guestlist or not anyway, so we just paid and went in. It just about filled up, but the girls were stuck up and hard work. Oh well. It would have been better if more people had come. I will try again to get people to come and enjoy themselves, for fuck’s sake.
I mentioned 2 weeks ago that I fancy someone. This is a rarity for me, to single someone out rather than checking out hundreds of women (and subsequently being ignored by them all). I’ve found her on Twitter. We’ll call her HW. She got me guestlist at a club she works at this weekend just gone, but half my mates couldn’t get in as they were disorganised ARSEHOLES and once again didn’t bring ID. I’m going to try again next week. But I should keep a little twitter DM convo going as well.
I have loads to do but I’m not doing it for some reason (depression and porn). I will try again next week.
She works at the celeb haunt club that I dive into every now and then. One of the promotion managers works with a gorgeous blonde with a great body, about 21. I met her in the bar over the road from said club, and have spotted her in a couple of other places. She told me her name, but typically I can’t remember. I got a kiss on the cheek last time I saw her, so she’s not stone cold.
My initial feelings whenever I meet someone is that she’s probably not interested, so I don’t bother finding out in case I get humiliated. Then I end up humiliating myself through lack of action. I’m going to go in for the kill and ask for her number, or maybe Facebook, or Twitter. Make it a little different. But I’m going to try specifically with her. Could do with finding out what her name is.
I put an event up for Friday, a night out to the celeb haunt, but I only got 1 RSVP and he looked like a weirdo. He backed out at the last minute. AA said he might come, then he changed his mind too. Shit. It’s easier to get people to come out midweek than it is to get them out at the weekend.
Added to this complication, my arse is still utterly pungent. No matter how much I swap food around and try different things, I can’t stop farting. It’s this that makes me nervous about talking to women, not so much learning difficulties or the like. I may need to go to my doctor about this too. I’m getting tired of embarrassing conversations with GPs and other people, but I guess they must continue.
FOR FUCK’S SAKE. BRING PHOTO ID. Otherwise, you’re not getting into Genting, you’re not getting into LIV, you’re not getting into any karaoke bars and you’re not getting into Birdcage. It’s a standard thing. ALWAYS fucking bring it out.
Tired of organising nights out and people coming out then having to go because they aren’t prepared. Piss take.
As for myself, I’m slightly braver these days. Making approaches. Town has been quiet recently- there haven’t been that many women to approach in the first place. Students are at home, and people are getting pissed during the day while it’s warm. But I’ve put some effort in. Supervisor in work also says I seem more confident, and I’ve fitted into the new position well. (I’ve just realised I’ve been there three months now.)
More stuff happening on the horizon. Will see what happens.