S Doesn’t even remember kissing me


Turns out she was so drunk she doesn’t remember doing anything with me, so looks like that’s a dead end.

I was texting a girl I met months ago this week, but we’re both too busy and live too far away and I’m just not really that arsed even though she’s blonde and pretty decent looking.

Whatever. We’re halfway through January. I’ll start putting up events in Feb. I have some great nightlife ideas.

Pulled a big titted blonde girl at new year


S was a friend of a friend, who came with us to a trendy but desolate bar in a posh part of Manchester. Talked for a while, then I went in for the kiss. Quite proud of myself for stepping forward.

We went to our mutual friend’s flat in town. KS left us an inflatable bed which went down in the night. It was the only thing to go down, unfortunately. KS was pleased that I went for someone natural, who wasn’t ‘plastic.’ S is a little stand-offish though, claiming her ex has left her emotionally unavailable. I tried to convince her that I wasn’t trying to marry her, and that she can’t put her life on hold because of whatever is going on in her mind.

S and I have swapped numbers- I’ll text her tomorrow. Good way to start 2018 if you as me.

Sent a quick text to KPB


I went out for food with a few mates, girls and guys. I told them about KBP and how we slept together without having sex. They all thought it was weird and that she probably felt rejected. I was pretty fucked off that not one of them understood that there’s a pace that I need to work to and shagging people before I feel comfortable with them is a recipe for disaster.

Hence I texted KBP and asked her what she thought. She said she felt awkward, but didn’t want sex so didn’t feel rejected. She wanted to ‘get a bit wild and boozy and smoke a little.’

Hmm. Well, smoking is a deal breaker for me, so fair enough. Also, as ruthless as this sounds, I want someone a bit more glamorous.

So. Square one. Been away this weekend so nothing has happened to say.

Well, KBP has sacked me off, saying she felt like we were just friends.


That old chestnut. Oh well, she smoked anyway. I feel numb to it really. The thing I’m most annoyed about: I bought earplugs to block out her snoring, and she dumped me before I could use them.

Stress with universal credit has frayed me a little, but it’s under review so there ain’t a lot I can do right now. Finances are a mess though. Running out of money.

Busy week ahead.

I’ve slept with KBP


Went out for drinks yesterday afternoon, then got a taxi to mine. Agreed that we wouldn’t have sex, just cuddles. She was cool with this. We get on really well and she’s understanding and cool. She’s a good listener and has a good sense of humour.

Typically, I’m expecting something to go wrong. I always do. I hope I don’t freeze up next time, as I’m planning to have sex with her (obviously). She’s calm and understanding. But she snores. So I’m absolutely shattered. Must dig out the earplugs. Hope there’s a next time.

I met KBP’s parents


Went to a Northern Quarter bar to meet the lovely KBP and her parents. Her dad, a floppy-haired guy with an undercut and fading sleeve tattoos, loved to dance up and down the bar. Her mum was quite glam, with nice conversation. I thought I made a good impression.

At one point a girl came over to me to chat me up, which only happens, of course, when I’m already with someone. When I told her I was already out with a girl AND her parents, her face dropped. She was mortified. She still gave me a kiss on the cheek though.

Get this though, KBP’s Dad was telling me to go for this same random girl. I told him, “It’s your daughter that I want.” He was like, “Yeah, but you gotta keep your options open…”


Still, I wanna see KBP again. We’ll see.

Struggling with mental health as per,


Trying to talk to women but it comes out quite abrupt and maybe a little intimidating. Need to sound more normal and natural. Female friend SF picked up on this. She’s a good mate but any criticism anyone could give me I’ve heard before. Still, walking up to a girl and saying ‘You go to Socialite’ is a bit, woah.

This was while we were in the celeb haunt. (I recognised no-one famous.) Male friend AA came to check the place out. He described being in there, and looking around, as like watching David Attenborough narrating a wildlife documentary, looking at the males stalking the females, observing the courtship rituals.

Like he was a different species. Which is how I feel in there. I don’t feel like it’s my scene, and never have. I think it’s the first time I’ve been on a Saturday since before I started on Sertraline. I’ve had good nights the celeb haunt, but I fit in more around Spinningfields and maybe a few places in the Northern Quarter.

I felt quite awkward and inferior, despite having double dropped antidepressants, and having been on them almost a year. It’s maybe time to stop going to the celebrity places sticking instead with places where the music is more to my taste. Which will annoy SF somewhat, as she loves these places. What made it worse is I queued up for about an hour to get in, and the entry fee was double it was last time I went on a Saturday (about year ago). As per, there was a steady stream of people being booted out for fighting. They’re really just moneyed scallies that populate these places- the people are no different to the clientele of Brannigans 15 years ago. They just dress better.

Update on last week- KBP is in Las Vegas. Hopefully she’ll meet me when she’s back next week.