Went to a barbecue with a mate from a support group.

He’s been trying to set me up with a Peruvian 50-year-old woman called KL. She looked a lot fitter on Facebook. When she turned up she pretty much went straight to bed, after working a night shift. She then woke up, got drunk really quickly and started to give me signals. Her English isn’t particularly good as it is, so when inebriated she made very little sense at all. I pretty much felt out of place with everyone there- they were all just a bit common, although I hate to say it. They wouldn’t come to my bars and clubs for the life of them.

Careers advice isn’t going anywhere, although I’ve applied for the odd thing here and there.

I do have an interesting work story to tell soon, though. CBA right now.

No real progress, tbh

Rewrote my CV with the careers advisor. It looks a lot better now, but that doesn’t negate the lack of decent jobs and my lack of actual skills.

Struggling to pick up a new system in work. Tired of putting all my efforts into learning a computer package only to have it taken off me and replaced with something else, meaning I have to learn it all again. Friends are too busy. No word from DWP or Citizens Advice.

Went on the prowl last night, on my own as everyone is eith er away, busy with kids or broke. This is all I found.

Been out to a few of SL’s events…

Arrived solo to all of these as noone has any money and I didn’t really ask around. Met lots of people and bumped into a few familiar faces. Enjoyed the events but haven’t been rewarded for putting in the graft, if you get me. Made lots of approaches, didn’t get much interest.

Turns out KBP, who I went on a few dates with, knows model EB who I met at a party a while back. KBP is also friends with LC, it seems, who kicked off with me years ago because I didn’t fancy her. LC turned up at this event today. I managed to avoid her. I was surprised how so many people that I knew, knew each other. I’ve seen people appearing in each other’s Insta stories, and thought, wow, I didn’t know they knew them.

Bumped into The Daughter, who I tried it on with a while back, and who palmed me off to her mum. Got no further really. She was talking to her female friends about the male models that were hired to give out food and drinks, obviously trying to push me out of the convo (or how I imagine it).

I also saw MF, a woman who attends SL’s events and who fancies me. I’m typically not into her, though. She’s good to hang around with, but it ain’t happening.

It’s SL that I want. I want the boss. She’s stunning, successful, intelligent and popular. I’ve probably left it too late, but we’ll see. I’ve not got the balls to flat out ask her out.

I’ve texted The Daughter tonight and got no response.

Well- I’ve been out all bank holiday weekend trying to make approaches.

 I made a few, but not one woman was interested. Tried taking a few creep shots but it’s hard work focusing a camera with your flash off and getting close enough for any pictures to come out.

So little has happened that I can report on- trying to get back into psychotherapy but organising a time for the telephone interview has been a pain. I’m taking sertraline once every 2 days but I can’t say the reduction has caused any particular difference. Still terrified of talking to hot women.

Also I forgot to get hayfever stuff so I should be feeling some pretty horrendous effects over the next few days. I’m not too bad as it stands. The three things I need will now cost me a fortune as I’m no longer eligible for treatment, due to changes in benefits. (Not changes in my condition, just how ATOS and the Tory government see fit. FUCK THEM.)

I’ve got a few things planned for next week that are different to general nights out. We’ll see how they go.

A difficult, unsuccessful week

Well, I haven’t asked out SL, I’ve been out loads all weekend and met no interesting women, I’ve been surrounded by hot Indian women who won’t look at white guys and all the white girls have been tied up with black guys. I’m not making this up. The rest of the women I’ve seen in bars have been a bit nondescript, so there’s been very little of interest.

Girl mate SF still feels like I’m pushing her away because I want to change where we go on nights out- the RnB clubs bore me now and I just want something different. Even places that were staple house music venues like Impossible and Sakana (Okay, they wanna be called 23 Peter St now) are playing more RnB.

Added to this it appears that Sertraline is killing off my sex drive- I can’t even be arsed watching porn any more. And I don’t seem to be approaching anyone, and this is partly anxiety, something that’s supposed to be negated by sertraline, but it’s also that the urge isn’t really there. But if it’s killing my sex drive, it undermines the point of taking them in the first place, which is to help me overcome problems with women, which is why I have low mood. I’ve been taking them over a year now and it’s obvious that they aren’t working. Christ, a few months ago I had KBP in my bed and I didn’t even feel like fucking her.

I’ve gone on the waitlist for psychotherapy AGAIN, after girl mate AMN recommended it. Getting this advice while on antidepressants could be interesting. Feeling a bit shit overall.

Out with model EB


Last night I went to a couple of swanky bars with a model called EB, who I mentioned I met a year ago.  I’ve met up with her a few times since I met her, but I eventually got around to asking an important question.

When I met EB, she was with her mate VK, who was single. I tried it on but I didn’t really know what to say. I wasn’t sure if VK was interested. Having met up with EB a few times, I decided to see what the deal was. EB said yes, VK was interested, and I did drop the ball. Added to that, though, VK is really messed up according to EB. She’s got a lot of problems. Haven’t we all, though- EB herself said she was sexually abused as a child.

Added to the confusion, EB is now single- she wasn’t when she met me. She’s hot. Great tits. She’s getting attention from guys a lot, and she’s clear with other people that we’re mates, but we’re still going to flirt when we meet up. We’ll see what happens. Probably nothing. But she can be practice.

EB brought her mate DD out, a hot, big-titted tattooed model. We’d met briefly before, but she didn’t remember me much. Again, tried, but she pulled some other guy who was completely different to me.

Feeling like I’ve let myself down a bit, but glad I’ve found answers to a few questions.

Dead End Date, WTC

So on Friday night I went on a date with a girl I briefly met a couple of weeks ago at an event. I couldn’t really remember much about her but my mate was suggesting I get in there, so I thought I’d give her a shot. We were supposed to go to Bosu, a health bar on Cross St for low-fat snacks, but it was shut so we shot around the corner to Be At One, and hammered a few cocktails.

She’s a nice girl and everything but there’s no magic there at all- no attraction from me at least. I called it off.

DWP are sending my stress levels through the roof at the moment, stalling on things. Dealing with very long phone conversations that are going round in circles. Very frustrating for me and my parents. I’m being told I’m supposed to be on WTC, then UC, then back to WTC again. Noboy has a clue.