I think I might fancy someone.

 

She works at the celeb haunt club that I dive into every now and then. One of the promotion managers works with a gorgeous blonde with a great body, about 21. I met her in the bar over the road from said club, and have spotted her in a couple of other places. She told me her name, but typically I can’t remember. I got a kiss on the cheek last time I saw her, so she’s not stone cold.

My initial feelings whenever I meet someone is that she’s probably not interested, so I don’t bother finding out in case I get humiliated. Then I end up humiliating myself through lack of action. I’m going to go in for the kill and ask for her number, or maybe Facebook, or Twitter. Make it a little different. But I’m going to try specifically with her. Could do with finding out what her name is.

I put an event up for Friday, a night out to the celeb haunt, but I only got 1 RSVP and he looked like a weirdo. He backed out at the last minute. AA said he might come, then he changed his mind too. Shit. It’s easier to get people to come out midweek than it is to get them out at the weekend.

Added to this complication, my arse is still utterly pungent. No matter how much I swap food around and try different things, I can’t stop farting. It’s this that makes me nervous about talking to women, not so much learning difficulties or the like. I may need to go to my doctor about this too. I’m getting tired of embarrassing conversations with GPs and other people, but I guess they must continue.

More People Latch On to SM Being Gay

 

I’ve mentioned a few times about a closet homosexual called SM, who’s part of a social group I attend. He knows to avoid me now. I’ve talked to a few people in the group and sometimes they seem bemused that I’d suggest he’s gay. Well, last night I got some proof.

I went out for female friend KS’ birthday. She wanted to go to some indie shithole, so me and male friend AA wandered the streets waiting for UFC to start (neither of us realised it wasn’t on for another 7 fucking days). We were talking about SM, and I told of how he’d put his hand on my leg when we’d been in the member’s bar, and how female friend RD, who’s quite close to SM, seemed bemused that I’d suggest he’s gay.

AA told me SM had given him a lift into town, and that when they’d been parked up at the lights SM had ran his hand delicately up AA’s arm. AA had to tell him to stop. And told him to get out.

So. It’s confirmed. Why SM isn’t more honest with people I don’t know, but he’s a creep either way. And how more people don’t notice I also don’t know.

Oh- AND- RA, the girl I fucked three weeks ago, finally got back in touch this week. She’s been ‘busy.’ She came out with the social group again on Friday, already drunk, and babbled incoherently at me. The gist I got was that she enjoyed our night together but she was regretful because she didn’t want to have one-night stands. Well, if you’d have responded to my text, I said, and met up with me again, it wouldn’t have been a one-night stand, would it? More incoherent babbling, then she went home.

The upside to Friday: I got out early and hung around at the meeting point bar. There was a hen do there, and one of the girls had huge tits, so I got talking to them. They grilled me about my job, etc. and they were keen to set me up with this girl. She had dark hair in a pony tail, a good arse in tight jeans, and good full boobs. We kissed but she was from miles away, so it went nowhere. But at least I made the move to talk to them.

RA sacked me off.

 

The moment I left her flat she ceased all contact. I’m still in her Facebook friends, although she doesn’t seem to have updated it and won’t respond to my message.

I went back to the celeb club Thursday just gone but there were so many people already coupled up. I found it impossible to pick anyone out to begin with. Talked to a few people here and there, but got nowhere. I was hoping I’d be on a roll. Typically, no.

I’m out Friday Saturday and Monday, so we’ll see what happens later on.

Yeah, so, still talking to this Rev de Cuba girl.

We’ll call her J. She’s actually pretty fit- got her on Whatsapp- and working on meeting up with her. She’s keen.

Still double dropping Sertraline on nights out, but not getting far. Ordered a load, forgot I’d ordered, reordered then picked them up along with a load of hayfever stuff. Would have cost a fortune if I wasn’t exempt from paying due to PIP and WTC.

They’ll all get used though. I see no light at the end of the tunnel with depression, and it’s early summer so the pollen count will only get higher.

More nights out in the pipeline.

I double dropped

 

As mentioned last week my GP recommended I double drop antidepressant Sertraline if the night is going to be particularly challenging. I’ve done this three nights in a row this week. I pulled noone.

Thursday: Deansgate Locks was full of pretentious arseholes. I approached a girl who instantly slagged off my ‘trainers’- which were pumps. ZH pulled 3 times, the first time I’ve seen him pull at all. Terrible attitudes from the girls there. There are much better nights out.

Friday: The whole city was dead. Big letdown.

Saturday:Went to Sakana with mate EL. He’s really good with women and is a great wingman. We got talking to loads of girls, as Sakana is a key place for this. I’ve never pulled there but there’s plenty of opportunity. EL reminded me to smile when approaching. A serious face looks intimidating. It’s hard, though, when you’re shitting yourself. I went over to a girl who looked Latina- big tits and arse, lovely curly dark hair. Gorgeous. She was called R, from Failsworth. She was surprised that I approached her as apparently a lot of guys don’t. I admitted I’d been meaning to for a while. I thought the conversation was going well, but when I asked for her number she wouldn’t. I asked if I was too young, even though we were about the same age. She said yeah. Well, I tried.

It really took the wind out of my sails, though, and I just couldn’t get the motivation to talk to anyone else. I had the curse of oneitis. I felt really down about it, and EL was really surprised by this. He had to get up for work anyway, but I just wanted to go. He had work the next day anyway. I walked out and some girl tried to blag me into coming to Revolucion de Cuba with her. I told her I wanted to as she had great tits (she was fine with this comment, thankfully) but I fucking hate Rev de Cuba. She said she was only staying for one so we swapped numbers, but we didn’t meet up. She wasn’t special to look at.

So that’s the weekend. Lots of being blown out. Sertraline helped, but it’s not a magic pill and I tested it hard the last couple of days. I’ve got a few other plans, so hopefully I’ll have better success.

B is fickle as fuck.

Either respond to my texts and talk to me, or tell me you don’t want to. Whatever. But don’t just give up, FFS. Hard work.

Been out this weekend to Black Dog Ballroom, which has it’s fair share of fit birds but is a bit of a shithole if you ask me. I just don’t like it there. My mate RS was getting impatient with me hesitating with women, even though he never approaches anyone himself. I talked to a few girls but got no-where. I keep planning ideas of things to say, openers, fun things to bring up… and then I forget them all and freeze.

I forgot to mention- my GP recommended double-dropping sertraline if I feel like I need a boost. I wish I had last night, as it wasn’t enough. I think I’ll do that every time I have a night out. I’m out next Friday so let’s see how that goes.

Found a support group that may be helpful, although I can’t tell you what it is. Much better than the one I was at last year. Much more local, less judgemental, and no religious shit. Just men battling depression. Not sure I’m ready to tell them I’m a rabid porn addict just yet.

I have something planned for the Friday, so we’ll see how that goes.

Girl from the Arndale only sent me one passive message…

 

…and stopped texting back. Whatever.

Went sarging with AA on Wednesday night. The whole town was dead. There was no queue outside Birdcage where Voodoo was taking place, and the Locks were equally sparse.

Saw my GP. Asked if my Sertraline prescription was the right dose, as I’m starting to feel that it’s actually helping me. I hadn’t increased my dose, but it takes a certain amount of time for my body to get used to it. So it seems like it’s finally having a positive effect. And to confirm this…

Went out last night with SF. On the way to meet her I got talking to a blonde 21-year-old on Deansgate, called B. She seemed quite interested, but I didn’t fire in. I spent a bit of time with SF catching up with her as I haven’t seen her in a month. After this I headed back to Piccadilly, and bumped into B on Deansgate. She invited me to Deansgate Locks, so of course I came with her and pulled her. She told me she liked older men. I told her I liked younger girls. We got food, then she got a taxi. I was seeing the family today so didn’t try to go home with her. I’ve texted her and she’s not got back to me. But at least something is happening, I’m going out and pulling and enjoying myself. And so the Sertraline continues, as do the nights out…