Yeah, so, still talking to this Rev de Cuba girl.

We’ll call her J. She’s actually pretty fit- got her on Whatsapp- and working on meeting up with her. She’s keen.

Still double dropping Sertraline on nights out, but not getting far. Ordered a load, forgot I’d ordered, reordered then picked them up along with a load of hayfever stuff. Would have cost a fortune if I wasn’t exempt from paying due to PIP and WTC.

They’ll all get used though. I see no light at the end of the tunnel with depression, and it’s early summer so the pollen count will only get higher.

More nights out in the pipeline.

I double dropped


As mentioned last week my GP recommended I double drop antidepressant Sertraline if the night is going to be particularly challenging. I’ve done this three nights in a row this week. I pulled noone.

Thursday: Deansgate Locks was full of pretentious arseholes. I approached a girl who instantly slagged off my ‘trainers’- which were pumps. ZH pulled 3 times, the first time I’ve seen him pull at all. Terrible attitudes from the girls there. There are much better nights out.

Friday: The whole city was dead. Big letdown.

Saturday:Went to Sakana with mate EL. He’s really good with women and is a great wingman. We got talking to loads of girls, as Sakana is a key place for this. I’ve never pulled there but there’s plenty of opportunity. EL reminded me to smile when approaching. A serious face looks intimidating. It’s hard, though, when you’re shitting yourself. I went over to a girl who looked Latina- big tits and arse, lovely curly dark hair. Gorgeous. She was called R, from Failsworth. She was surprised that I approached her as apparently a lot of guys don’t. I admitted I’d been meaning to for a while. I thought the conversation was going well, but when I asked for her number she wouldn’t. I asked if I was too young, even though we were about the same age. She said yeah. Well, I tried.

It really took the wind out of my sails, though, and I just couldn’t get the motivation to talk to anyone else. I had the curse of oneitis. I felt really down about it, and EL was really surprised by this. He had to get up for work anyway, but I just wanted to go. He had work the next day anyway. I walked out and some girl tried to blag me into coming to Revolucion de Cuba with her. I told her I wanted to as she had great tits (she was fine with this comment, thankfully) but I fucking hate Rev de Cuba. She said she was only staying for one so we swapped numbers, but we didn’t meet up. She wasn’t special to look at.

So that’s the weekend. Lots of being blown out. Sertraline helped, but it’s not a magic pill and I tested it hard the last couple of days. I’ve got a few other plans, so hopefully I’ll have better success.

B is fickle as fuck.

Either respond to my texts and talk to me, or tell me you don’t want to. Whatever. But don’t just give up, FFS. Hard work.

Been out this weekend to Black Dog Ballroom, which has it’s fair share of fit birds but is a bit of a shithole if you ask me. I just don’t like it there. My mate RS was getting impatient with me hesitating with women, even though he never approaches anyone himself. I talked to a few girls but got no-where. I keep planning ideas of things to say, openers, fun things to bring up… and then I forget them all and freeze.

I forgot to mention- my GP recommended double-dropping sertraline if I feel like I need a boost. I wish I had last night, as it wasn’t enough. I think I’ll do that every time I have a night out. I’m out next Friday so let’s see how that goes.

Found a support group that may be helpful, although I can’t tell you what it is. Much better than the one I was at last year. Much more local, less judgemental, and no religious shit. Just men battling depression. Not sure I’m ready to tell them I’m a rabid porn addict just yet.

I have something planned for the Friday, so we’ll see how that goes.

Girls of Instagram: Samantha

Was in Manchester, now abroad. Oh well.

I'm heavy boned ok?!πŸ™„πŸ™Š #imperfections #redbikini #sunbathingtime #45degrees #swimmingpool

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Seeing double πŸ˜…πŸ‘™ tan time #Qatar #Doha #tanningsession

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Favourite dancers πŸ‘―πŸ’ͺ #tanline #devil eyes #suedenightclub #hittheroof

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Look at these hot mamas 😍 my hot dancing friends πŸ”₯πŸ”₯πŸ”₯ #suedenightclub #dancers

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Barbados baby #tbt πŸŒŠβ˜€οΈβ˜οΈ

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Mirror mirror on the wall πŸ’„πŸ‘–

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Slowly tanning πŸ‘™πŸ‘#atlantic#cruiseship

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Favourite bikini πŸ‘™#nofilter#missmytan

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Girl from the Arndale only sent me one passive message…


…and stopped texting back. Whatever.

Went sarging with AA on Wednesday night. The whole town was dead. There was no queue outside Birdcage where Voodoo was taking place, and the Locks were equally sparse.

Saw my GP. Asked if my Sertraline prescription was the right dose, as I’m starting to feel that it’s actually helping me. I hadn’t increased my dose, but it takes a certain amount of time for my body to get used to it. So it seems like it’s finally having a positive effect. And to confirm this…

Went out last night with SF. On the way to meet her I got talking to a blonde 21-year-old on Deansgate, called B. She seemed quite interested, but I didn’t fire in. I spent a bit of time with SF catching up with her as I haven’t seen her in a month. After this I headed back to Piccadilly, and bumped into B on Deansgate. She invited me to Deansgate Locks, so of course I came with her and pulled her. She told me she liked older men. I told her I liked younger girls. We got food, then she got a taxi. I was seeing the family today so didn’t try to go home with her. I’ve texted her and she’s not got back to me. But at least something is happening, I’m going out and pulling and enjoying myself. And so the Sertraline continues, as do the nights out…